Author
Unknown...
"Don't let your worries get the best of you.
Remember, Moses started out as a basket case".
Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you
try to sit in their pews.
Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but
mosquitoes come close.
When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.
People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle
of the road, and the back of the church.
Opportunity
may knock once, but temptation leans on the bell.
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you
couldn't belong.
The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience:
"And in conclusion."
If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for
the one it has.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until
he is dead. So why should you?
To make a long story short, don't tell it.
Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and
permanently set.
Peace starts with a smile.
I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does
it make which one you stay home from?
A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the
Promises" are just sitting on the premises.
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as
much as committees.
Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.
Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
Don't put a question mark where God put a period.
Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
Forbidden fruits create many jams.
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the
spirit" over "religious nuts!
God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
He who angers you, controls you!
If God is your Copilot - swap seats!
Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God
will not protect you.
We don't change the message, the message changes us.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to
discourage him.
The Best mathematical
equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3
nails = 4given.
"Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is
that You know he or she may be needing this day!"
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ADDRESS:
Heaven
FEATURES:
Many rooms with a master suite
Spacious love
Open floor plan for peace
Large eat-in grace
Fenced in mercy with room for expansion
Son room with a marvelous view of salvation
Pool of milk and honey in the back
Pearly gates in front
DIRECTIONS:
The only way to the Father is through the Son
PRICE:
$0.00 -
Calvary
- Owner financing
COMMUNITY:
Friendly angelic neighbors.
Great family and friends.
Praise the Lord all day and night.
BONUS:
Crown of stars, new luxurious robe and golden
slippers with
matching wings. Bring a friend and get a reward.
For more information, call your local agent or
representative - Name, address and phone number listed below.
NAME: Jesus Christ
ADDRESS: Repent Highway and Streets of Gold
PHONE: Dial John 3:16 |
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~~~~~~Some
Christian Humor~~~~
There
was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything
breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========
Somebody
has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning,
Lord,"
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord,
it's morning."
========
A
minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a
note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the
block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive
us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with
this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give
you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========
There
is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we
have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is,
it's
still out there in your pockets."
========
While
driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The
owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached
to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy
efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in
exhaust."
========
A
Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and
girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air.
"He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really?
How do you know?" the teacher asked.
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========
A
minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a
long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many
cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant
pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about
the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get
ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what
you mean. It's the same in my
business."
========
People
want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of
attention.
========
A
father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I
know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied,
"What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son
replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father.
"What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy."
the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
========
Sunday
after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was
about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your
quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor
stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday
school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is
coming."
========!
The
minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the
congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and
a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute
wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently.
"But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and
Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much
as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100
or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled
Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!
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One
day, a man went to visit a church.
He got there early, parked his car, and got out.
Another car pulled up and the driver got
out
and said," I always park there!
You took my place!"
The visitor
went inside for
Sunday
School,
found an empty seat and sat down.
A young lady from the church
approached him and stated,
"That's my seat!
You took my
place!"
The visitor was somewhat distressed
by this rude welcome, but said nothing.
After Sunday School, the visitor went
into
the sanctuary and sat down.
Another member walked up to him and said,
"That's where I always sit!
You took my
place!"
The visitor was even more troubled by this
treatment, but still He said nothing.
Later as the congregation was praying
for
Christ
to dwell among them,
the visitor stood up, and his appearance began to change.
Horrible scars became visible on
his hands and on his sandaled feet.
Someone from the congregation
noticed him and called out, "What happened to you?"
The visitor replied, as his hat
became a crown of thorns, and a tear fell from his eye,
"I took your place."
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